I'm having a bit of a confidence ego issue here. Counting down to D-Day 5 days. I'm freaking out. I'm stressed. When i'm stressed i eat. When i eat i gain kilos, which i am supposed to be on a diet but hell i'm freaking out. Damn it i need it. I need affirmation desperately. But... on the other hand, lookig at myself in the mirror, i am not sure i can make it. The thing i fear, rejection. The fear is so great that i think, why even bother trying when a part of me knows i'll never make the cut? I feel like running away, escaping. But running away means not even trying. Which brings regret. So i'll go for it... which brings back all the fear. Damn damn damn. I'm thinking too much. Now i desperately wish i'll go to sleep and wake up a thin long legged exotic beauty. Sigh. Looks does matter. It does.

Labels: Venting

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